Beautiful sentiments captured here Michael. I met my son on the 25th of January so have been wading into similar waters. I’m excited for you and your budding family.
Really beautiful. In particular, your words about disorientation with respect to the utility of your skills, really hit home. Best of luck and congratulations on the new arrival :)
Michael - Congratulations. I've been enjoying your writing. A few years ago, a friend and soon to be father asked me if I had any advice about parenting. Here's what I wrote in case it might be helpful for you too. Enjoy. https://open.substack.com/pub/wishsomeonetoldme/p/a-note-about-parenting
Thanks Parker! I enjoyed your piece. I particularly like the idea of creating rituals and traditions to support the kids and family. The children won't know that the traditions have just been invented, after all, but it will inform their worldview for potentially their whole lives.
A lovely read. As you embrace the start of parenthood I'm adjusting to a new season, having recently been emancipated from the school system after 16 years, and with my youngest two (twin boys) living in different cities for the first time in their (and our!) lives. To parent is to embrace a life of unpredictable emotions (and experience them with an intensity you maybe haven't before), responding to instant and sometimes confusing feedback, and getting 1000% better at dealing with change and uncertainty. Thinking of you in this liminal space before the wonder of a new human fills your world. 💓
Whenever I feel anxious that this is going to be too difficult, I remember that parents have been doing this for longer than I can imagine. I'm excited for the journey though! Right now I can't imagine my son moving away or going to university etc, but in much the same way as I couldn't imagine that I would one day be (gasp!) 37 years old. I'm grateful to have another big chapter of life to experience.
Beautiful words Michael. You've described that anticipation of fatherhood so eloquently. The passage about the changing world that feels like home now being gone really resonated. I'm grappling with this myself with two young girls. So joyful to be a parent but reality is quite gripping lately.
I wonder if there has ever been a time when reality didn't feel at least a little weird... or not as conducive to having kids as it could be. Or perhaps this moment really is particularly unusual (I suspect it is Actually Very Weird).
Congratulations Michael! We just welcomed our second in December and there’s a lot that really rings true about what you wrote.
The tension of existing in this space between the past I grew up in and the future I’m preparing my children for is a big one, though I don’t think I could have expressed it this way. I’ve absolutely noticed my nostalgia for the past has hit harder since becoming a dad, and I find understanding the future to be both more important and more vexing at once.
Loved reading this and wishing you the best as you begin the journey, whatever it brings!!
Congratulations! how is having a relative newborn alongside a toddler or older kid?
I wonder how much about having children makes us think of our own death. I guess that needing to grieve the worlds of our past is something that will just get more and more necessary as time goes on.
It definitely feels like the time and energy commitment has leveled up - first every time #1 was either napping or out with one of us was a chance for one or both of us to get stuff done, relax, or spend time together and that’s far less often the case.
Also just with the needs of a toddler and an infant being so different is a lot to juggle - I think that will be easier once the baby is old enough that they can play together.
My sense is I’ve been a lot more aware of both my own mortality and the passage of time since having kids. I think of when I was young a lot more, as well as what life will be like when they’re my age.
But this is actually strangely comforting emotionally. I think my ego has relaxed a bit - what I want for MY life has always been a dominant force in my mind but now I have this other similarly-sized anchor: what I want for my kids lives and how I can contribute to their world.
I didn’t know we were on the parenthood train so close together!! So delighted to know this ♥️ let’s meet again in the world when you two are exploring new countries with the little one in years to come 🥹
You will become more amazing. I love the transformation of online writers when they get to the age of wanting children and then feel the awe and impact of creating a human being. Their writing goes deeper and more authentic. You can't experience birth without thinking about death. So many things you chased and thought important fall away. Now it's for real, permanent, irreversable, and joyful.
This week, my son turns 10, and yes, what you describe as passing over a threshold is precisely right. The last 10 years have been a roller coaster, with higher highs but also lower lows. Becoming a parent unlocks a new level of participation with love, life, and death that, before I became a parent, I didn't know existed. At some points, it will seem stuff takes forever, and you wish it'd pass already. At other moments, you may realize the moment is gone in a blink of an eye. I still remember the day, with some nostalgia, of holding my baby boy 10 years ago, I don't think I'll ever forget, though I sometimes long to hold him in my arms in the same way again. Anyway, before I ramble on more on parenthood, I wish you and your wife a fantastic time ahead, and if I may offer just one piece of advice, be patient and mild, as much for your baby as for yourself. ❤️
Beautiful sentiments captured here Michael. I met my son on the 25th of January so have been wading into similar waters. I’m excited for you and your budding family.
congratulations! hopefully these last few weeks have treated you well
and thank you!
Love this Michael - really excited for you and looking forward to seeing what lies on the other side of that threshold in my own life some day soon!
Thanks David! I'll share plenty of dadpoasting to keep up your motivation to cross the threshold
Really beautiful. In particular, your words about disorientation with respect to the utility of your skills, really hit home. Best of luck and congratulations on the new arrival :)
Thank you! And yeah; that’s the big one for me… what do I have to offer the world right now? Just feeling lost in that regard
Michael - Congratulations. I've been enjoying your writing. A few years ago, a friend and soon to be father asked me if I had any advice about parenting. Here's what I wrote in case it might be helpful for you too. Enjoy. https://open.substack.com/pub/wishsomeonetoldme/p/a-note-about-parenting
Thanks Parker! I enjoyed your piece. I particularly like the idea of creating rituals and traditions to support the kids and family. The children won't know that the traditions have just been invented, after all, but it will inform their worldview for potentially their whole lives.
A lovely read. As you embrace the start of parenthood I'm adjusting to a new season, having recently been emancipated from the school system after 16 years, and with my youngest two (twin boys) living in different cities for the first time in their (and our!) lives. To parent is to embrace a life of unpredictable emotions (and experience them with an intensity you maybe haven't before), responding to instant and sometimes confusing feedback, and getting 1000% better at dealing with change and uncertainty. Thinking of you in this liminal space before the wonder of a new human fills your world. 💓
Whenever I feel anxious that this is going to be too difficult, I remember that parents have been doing this for longer than I can imagine. I'm excited for the journey though! Right now I can't imagine my son moving away or going to university etc, but in much the same way as I couldn't imagine that I would one day be (gasp!) 37 years old. I'm grateful to have another big chapter of life to experience.
Beautiful words Michael. You've described that anticipation of fatherhood so eloquently. The passage about the changing world that feels like home now being gone really resonated. I'm grappling with this myself with two young girls. So joyful to be a parent but reality is quite gripping lately.
I wonder if there has ever been a time when reality didn't feel at least a little weird... or not as conducive to having kids as it could be. Or perhaps this moment really is particularly unusual (I suspect it is Actually Very Weird).
I'm glad you enjoyed the piece.
Congratulations Michael! We just welcomed our second in December and there’s a lot that really rings true about what you wrote.
The tension of existing in this space between the past I grew up in and the future I’m preparing my children for is a big one, though I don’t think I could have expressed it this way. I’ve absolutely noticed my nostalgia for the past has hit harder since becoming a dad, and I find understanding the future to be both more important and more vexing at once.
Loved reading this and wishing you the best as you begin the journey, whatever it brings!!
Congratulations! how is having a relative newborn alongside a toddler or older kid?
I wonder how much about having children makes us think of our own death. I guess that needing to grieve the worlds of our past is something that will just get more and more necessary as time goes on.
It definitely feels like the time and energy commitment has leveled up - first every time #1 was either napping or out with one of us was a chance for one or both of us to get stuff done, relax, or spend time together and that’s far less often the case.
Also just with the needs of a toddler and an infant being so different is a lot to juggle - I think that will be easier once the baby is old enough that they can play together.
My sense is I’ve been a lot more aware of both my own mortality and the passage of time since having kids. I think of when I was young a lot more, as well as what life will be like when they’re my age.
But this is actually strangely comforting emotionally. I think my ego has relaxed a bit - what I want for MY life has always been a dominant force in my mind but now I have this other similarly-sized anchor: what I want for my kids lives and how I can contribute to their world.
I didn’t know we were on the parenthood train so close together!! So delighted to know this ♥️ let’s meet again in the world when you two are exploring new countries with the little one in years to come 🥹
yes! I would like this very much. maybe we can tempt you to Barcelona, where we're considering moving for a couple of years
Congratulations! Wear him in a sling, get this book https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChcSEwiPscWQouyLAxUtlVAGHV04M4wYABAHGgJkZw&co=1&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIj7HFkKLsiwMVLZVQBh1dODOMEAQYBCABEgK8n_D_BwE&sph=&sig=AOD64_13RPgw7qzqSUfbFgqB7DZHR2H-mA&ctype=5&q=&ved=2ahUKEwjugMGQouyLAxWdU0EAHQ1KAAsQwg8oAHoECAUQKQ&adurl= and get used to being not excellent - welcome to the messy throng of fatherhood in all its glory
thank you!
already got that book! I started to read it cover to cover and then realised I'll be better off reading each bit at the appropriate time
I'm excited to be not excellent
Exactly, let each week meet you where you are with it’s calm grounded advice
the other similar one I got is Cherish the first 6 weeks, which seems optimistic about what's possible but we're gonna do our best anyway
You will become more amazing. I love the transformation of online writers when they get to the age of wanting children and then feel the awe and impact of creating a human being. Their writing goes deeper and more authentic. You can't experience birth without thinking about death. So many things you chased and thought important fall away. Now it's for real, permanent, irreversable, and joyful.
This is so true!
This week, my son turns 10, and yes, what you describe as passing over a threshold is precisely right. The last 10 years have been a roller coaster, with higher highs but also lower lows. Becoming a parent unlocks a new level of participation with love, life, and death that, before I became a parent, I didn't know existed. At some points, it will seem stuff takes forever, and you wish it'd pass already. At other moments, you may realize the moment is gone in a blink of an eye. I still remember the day, with some nostalgia, of holding my baby boy 10 years ago, I don't think I'll ever forget, though I sometimes long to hold him in my arms in the same way again. Anyway, before I ramble on more on parenthood, I wish you and your wife a fantastic time ahead, and if I may offer just one piece of advice, be patient and mild, as much for your baby as for yourself. ❤️
Thanks Michael. I have two toddlers and share these feelings.